I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
