how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Buhtt sex?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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