My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
