he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
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Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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