I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
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Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
did you just send me my own nude
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You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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