I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think pants incapable of making pants work
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
