FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize