Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
