I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
