i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
