i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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