i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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