Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wear drunk well.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
