smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
