My cat gives me a boner
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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