instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
