On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
