paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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