they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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