Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
