my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
