YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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