Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
