god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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