very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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