Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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