cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
