you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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