Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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