Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
