It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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