She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
