he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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