You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it's like heaven, but drunker
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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