So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
