The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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