I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
