you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize