Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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