dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
