So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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