I want to walk on stilts...naked
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
