hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
