Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it's like iHOP with fire
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
