I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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