his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
