Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
