is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
