Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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