you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
