The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
