Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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