So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is classic penis vs brain.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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