Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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