I just threw up on my dentist
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
