We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
