my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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