I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
