She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
