Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
